Charlie Magdaleno: Blog

"It is what it is."

  It seems like more and more everyday, I'm hearing some expression to that effect.  Often times, it's literally that particular saying.

"It is what it is."

  Every time I hear that, or utter it myself, I despise it ten times more than I did before.

"It is what it is."

  Such an ugly, cold expression.  There is no hope in "It is what it is."  There's no promise.  There's no romance.  There's nothing, but the unadulterated, clinical truth.

"It is what it is."

  Really?  Is that ALL "it" is?  So every little morsel of emotion, the intensity of our memories, the grandeur of our dreams, are all just a fabrication?  Is the pure state of fact truly that empty?

"It is what it is."

  No cushion.  No lesson.  No redemption.  No chance at rectification.  Is everything in life as lifeless as this?  Either all of it is, or none of it is.

"It is what it is."

  I don't know if I have it in me to look someone in the eye, even my worst enemy, when they're looking for something to hold on to, something to believe in, and say:

"It is what it is."

  It's a heartless discard of what could be, and what could have been.  When it's in our favor, we can rationalize something as "fate," or "destiny," but when it suits us, life and the moments that make it up can be summed up ever so simply by the words:

"It is what it is."

  What if isn't?  What if there is something more?  What if there are things worth fighting for?  What if there is truth in beauty?  In romance?  What if there is something more at work than chaos theory and "cause and effect?"

"It is what it is."

  What if it is?  Are there really some things that are simply out of our grasp? Out of our control?  Are there some things we so matter-of-factly lose for good, regardless of history, regardless of circumstance?

  No more than now, have I ever felt the figurative, but all too real, sting of "It is what it is."  And, honestly, the more I was hearing it, the more I was believing it.  That is until I said it to a wise, worldly man who replied sharply:

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"No' to what?"

"To what you said."

"What?  'It is what it is?'  But it is!  It IS what it is."

"No, it's not.  It is what YOU make it."

  Ah...Now there was an idea I could consider getting behind.

"It is what you make it."

  I like the sound of that.  It has potential.  It suggests control.  It suggests confidence.  It suggests that we have within ourselves the power to radically change our situation, without changing one bit of the circumstances.

"It is what you make it."

  If we truly have it in our hearts and in our minds to do so, we can shift our perspective, and shift everything we know.

  Is your disability going to be a crutch, or a character builder?

  Will your money woes strip you of your self-worth, or will it increase the value of the truly finer things that fill your life?

  Can you let yourself be happy, and still not get the girl?  Or are you going to be miserable, and not get the girl anyway?

  You know, I will concede a little.  In a matter of speaking, yes, it IS what it is.  

  Yes, she's gone.  For good? I don't know, neither does she.  But as far as the "here and now" is concerned, she is.

  Yes, you DO have $10,000 in debt, no matter how you spin it.

  And yes, chances are, you will never walk again.  Even some procedures that could potentially restore you to full form may not be worth the risk.

  However, even if that is what it is, what good does it do you to be upset about it?

  Cursing at God isn't going to make your body heal any faster.

  Tearing up your bills doesn't make the balance on them go away.

  Whether you're trying to get her back or trying to get over her, crying in the dark is DEFINITELY not the way to go about it.

  Now, before I go any further, I must say that I don't mean to make light of things like paralysis, or potentially losing your home.  To be quite honest, I haven't had to come as close to those things as many people have, and I mean no disrespect to them or their difficulties.  However, while I can't relate, necessarily, I can and do understand.

  I understand pain.

  I understand loss.

  I understand fear, and frustration, and feeling forsaken.

  I understand that until I go through it myself, I'll never really understand.

  Still, that doesn't change the simple fact that...

"It is what you make it."

  At times like these, when it feels like all of the intangible forces are working against us; fate, luck, what-have-you; do you see "obstacles," or do you see "opportunity"?

  It's not JUST semantics.  Our perceptions of our world and of ourselves, our perspective - however we've come about having it - are incredibly vital to what we will and won't do in this lifetime; and better yet, what we will and won't accomplish.

  It is when we are on top of the world that we show our humility, but it is when we are truly humbled that we show our strength.  While we are fragile creatures in a number of senses, many of us have yet to recognize and realize the true resiliency of the human mind, body, and soul...of our OWN minds, bodies, and souls.

  In our darkest days, when we feel like we simply cannot go on, these are not the times for self-pity, for giving up.  The people we love and that depend on us, deserve better than that from us.  WE deserve better than that from ourselves.  We should DEMAND better than that from ourselves.

  But it all begins with our perspective, and whether or not we choose to change it for the better.

  You don't have to sulk over seeing her with her "new man."  You can be happy that someone you love, if you truly do love them, is happy.  As I've said before, happiness on a personal level comes so rarely in our lives, we must rejoice in the happiness of others, even at our own expense; for that is the mark of an open heart, and that is the mark of true love.

  You don't have to be afraid of something as honestly trivial as money.  Is it a cause for concern? Many times.  Is it vitally important?  Unfortunately, to a certain extent it is.  However, when it comes to matters of the mind, matters of action, there is no thing we cannot overcome.  Whether it is forced on us or not, one of the blessings of money woes is that they require us to "strip the fat" of our lives.  We can strip the fat of our lifestyles, of our spending, of our own conventions and beliefs of what is truly valuable.  Frivolity is the enemy of purpose, just as fear is the enemy of action.  It is in times of financial crisis, of any crisis, that we make the time and place to purge ourselves of both.

  When it seems like you've hit the wall, like you have no other option-you don't have to give up.  You can always try, you can always push forward.  The progress may pale in comparison to the exertion sometimes, but there is no substitute for true progress.  More than that, should it come down to it, no one can blame you for failing; however, there is no one but yourself to blame for quitting.  It really ISN'T about whether we win or lose (we all sort of lose in the end, if you think about it that way); it is completely about how we play the game.

  Hearts will heal.

  Circumstances can change.

  Even when they don't, we can.

  We ALWAYS have the power to look on the bright side; and we certainly can't start moving towards it till we see it.

  REMEMBER: This life, this world, is how you see it.  It is, and will be, what you make it.