Charlie Magdaleno: Blog

"Don't be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much life so. Aim above morality. Be not simply good, be good for something." -Henry David Thoreau

  I came across this quote the other day, on one of my friends' Facebook status updates of all things, and it really made me pause for thought.

  For as long as I can remember, I've tried to live with the utmost integrity, morality, and idealism- with mixed results.  Not in a self-righteous or "showy" sort of way; but merely because I believe it is my privilege and responsibility to do so.  I have been nowhere near perfect, but I have always aimed for it.

  However, when I read that quote, the line that stuck with me most was, "Be not simply good, be good for something."  It made me think back a few years to my brother, and perhaps my lowest point in being his brother.

  My brother, for all of the things that he's grown into and out of, has been and probably always will be my most favorite person on the planet.  This kid has more wit and charisma than you can believe, and he wields them both like Michelangelo wielded a paint brush.  He's hilarious, he's dynamic, and he's one of the best friends you could ever ask for- loyal, committed, loving, and honest.  There has never been a time where I have felt that my brother wasn't on my side, wasn't supporting me.

  Even when he was a baby, barely learning to walk, if he heard me crying because I bumped my head or something in the other room, he would come storming in ready to take names and kick asses, questioning, "Who made my brother cry?!?!?!"

  He has always been, and continues to be, fierce with his love and devotion to me and the rest of our family.

  That's what makes this story so upsetting.

  He was in junior high school at the time, and I - three years his senior- was in high school.  For whatever reason (I don't remember why, exactly), there was some group of punk kids that had a problem with him.  They were bullying him somewhat, threatening to beat him up for something moronic - probably some rumor somebody made up.  He would tell me about it; and I, trying to maintain a strong example of moral fortitude, told him to let an administrator know, to try to avoid them, and not to fight.

  As much as he had tried to follow my suggestions, the administrators could only warn the other boys ,as they had not "technically done anything" yet; and even still, the bullies would simply wait around and watch for my brother in order to corner and pester him, no matter how stealthy he tried to be.  He tried handling things without violence and with respect; but it became apparent that, as is the case with certain classes of people, words - neither the administrators' nor his - were going to settle things.  

  They ended up challenging him to a fight, and he agreed.

  It was supposed to be a one-on-one fight with who I suppose was the "main" kid that had a problem with him at West Haven Park, at 3pm.

  My brother knew better than to go alone, and began gathering a crew of his own - just in case things got crazy.  Two of my cousins caught wind of what was going down and, without hesitation, enlisted their services.  Feeling like he could stand a chance with some older muscle on his side, my brother then approached me and asked for my help.

  He asked me, and I, without hesitation, said, "No."

  I told him I didn't want any part of it.  I told him that I wasn't going to support his engaging in violence with these low-lives.  I told him he was better than this, and that it wasn't going to solve anything.

  He didn't respond.  He didn't react.  He acknowledged what I had said, and walked away.

  Thankfully, the bullies ended up just being a bunch of cowards, and no blood was shed.  They eventually just left my brother alone, and things returned to normalcy.

  I didn't think much of it then, and hadn't since - until I read that quote.

  "Be not simply good, be good for something."

  At the time, I believed I had done the right thing.  I believed I had stood my ground against violence, that I had maintained my example of goodness and morality for my brother to follow in the future.

  But I hadn't stood against violence- I had stood against him.  

  He wasn't a fool, and he wasn't a barbarian.  He had no interest in fighting, in creating any sort of tension whatsoever.  His battle was not of his own invention; but rather one that was thrust upon him.  He was given no choice, and he knew, like my cousins who stood by him knew, that evil does not follow the same rules and limitations that goodness does.  Evil will not be legislated.  Evil will not be talked down.  Evil must be broken, must be destroyed.

  This is why he chose to fight.  Not because he wanted to, or because he thought it was the right thing to do; but because it was the only thing he could do to defend and protect himself.  He had tried every other option; but found no relief.  And when he decided to stand up straight and face the potential danger that awaited him, he looked for his big brother to stand beside him, as he rightly should; and I said, "No."

  Even as I write this and reflect, I am sick to my stomach.

  How could I abandon my brother in his time of need?  

  How could I let him down so miserably?  

  After all the fuss I was always making about integrity, peace, and honor, about protecting the ideals and people we love; how I could I condemn him - a scared little boy, if nothing else - to face the darkness on his own?

  That is when I realized that goodness, like all things, is a double-edged sword.

  When it comes down to it, what good is honor when you allow it to force you to forsake those that have given you reason to believe it is something worth upholding?

  What good is integrity when it is used as a mask for cowardice?

  What good are morals when they are only used in judgement?

  What good is being "good," when it causes you to allow evil to sneak under your self-righteous feet?

  What good is peace when it renders you incapable of, and unwilling to, pay the price for it?

  As much as we must do our best to limit our own moral lacking, must we protect others and ourselves from our own moral abuse.

  As much as one can take cruelty to a gross extent, one can take nobility.

  The day my brother asked me to help him, to protect him, was the day that I failed him.  I let my morality be more important than its reason for being in the first place- to serve and protect the ones I love.

  We see this all the time with political and social figures who let their own sense of "right" undermine its purpose.

  Countless people have been persecuted based on religions and beliefs that are supposed to promote goodness and harmony.  

  Wars have been waged in the name of peace.

  Countries have been infiltrated and overtaken in the name of liberty.

  The bottom line is - as important as it is to live with honor, with integrity, and morals; we must always give attention to the balance of good and evil within ourselves; for the over-extension of either is equally dangerous.

  So, please, be good- but be good for something.